Mucho Stresso

On Tuesday, February 24 and Wednesday, February 23, I lost approximately a year of my life to tension and stress. I am sure of it. If the stress didn’t make its mark, the Mommy Juice I needed to drink to get PAST the stress certainly did. Can I get an “Oy Vey”? Thanks, homies.

On Tuesday at 3:00 we were all set to receive our sentencia (final adoption decree), a full day earlier than expected. This was very good news indeed, because the American Embassy does not accept Visa applications on Fridays. Let me explain: If we could be successful in receiving our sentencia and getting out of the courthouse by 4:00, then Gloria would have just enough time to fight the traffic (they call it “pico hour”) and get to the Notario (it means Notary Public but really it’s like a fast-food Lawyer’s office) to get Mason’s birth certificate with his new name: Mason Elijah Penner.

With the new birth certificate in our hot little hands, we would wake up at some un-holy hour Wednesday morning and wait on line at the passport office for Mason’s Colombian passport. Once we had that, we could breeze by the hotel to pick up our bags, fight the donkeys, mules, dirt roads and construction on the way to the airport and find our way onto a flight to Bogota (oh yeah…..somewhere in there we also had to pack, purchase our airline tickets and of course take care of the baby).

IF we were to be successful at arriving in Bogota before 2, we would be able to see the American Embassy-approved pediatrician on Wednesday afternoon (remember, this is still the get-up-at-some-unholy-hour-with-your-now-7-month-old –baby-day) to have Mason examined and approved for immigration. That would allow us to hit the American Embassy first thing Thursday morning to make our application for Mason’s visa, or permission for him to enter the United States. (He is not a citizen until he is actually within the borders of the United States; therefore he needs an alien Visa to leave Colombia on an international flight to the US). IF we were to be successful at making this application on Thursday, we would then be able to pick up the Visa on Friday and make a flight home Saturday.

Home, home, home, home, HOME!

But if any one of these things did not happen as planned, we would have to wait until the following Monday to make the application, receive the visa on Tuesday and I would not leave until the following Wednesday. In other words, sink or swim….go home Saturday or enjoy beautiful downtown Bogota for another week. And seriously? I was running out of clean underwear.

I just re-read all of that and maybe it doesn’t sound so bad, but please remember a few factors we were up against: First, the traffic in Medellin AND in Bogota is out of control. They actually have to limit when you can drive your car based on the last number of your license plate just to manage congestion. There are more mechanics, gas stations and auto parts stores than any other kind of store-front business in these cities. Second, there are huge lines at all these places: The passport office, airport and mostly the Embassy. Third, every office closes for a nice siesta at 1 pm. Some of them re-open at 3. Some stay closed until the next day. And third: WE HAD A LITTLE BABY WITH US!!! A baby who has to stop to eat and get his diaper changed. A baby who comes with a lot of stuff to schlep. Those of you who are parents will understand. Everything takes twice as long when you have your baby with you.

The day started out hopeful enough.

I was very excited for official “adoption day”, as you can see from the video below. Gloria and I made it to the court house in good time…she had the foresight to park at the Notario’s office, and we took a cab to the courthouse to avoid parking delays in the downtown area. At 2:40 PM, we were sitting outside the judge’s chambers waiting for our lawyer. Easy-peasy. We were sure we’d have plenty of time to get everything done. The appointment was not until 3:00.

And around 3:15, my Colombian lawyer (the one who does not speak to me, perhaps because she does not speak English) sauntered up and began a 25-minute conversation with Gloria about life, love and whatever else was happening in the world that had nothing to do with Mason or his adoption.

At 4:00 PM, the judge invited us in. She looked so familiar to me, but I couldn’t figure out who it was that she looked like….someone from Hollywood? Or high school?

The judge (who also did not speak English) welcomed us and began to tell a story about four sibling orphans in Cali (another city in Colombia) who were all adopted by an Australian couple. “Que Lindo.” “Que Bueno!” we all murmured, and Gloria checked her watch.

Then the judge began to tell me how disappointed she was not to see the baby…not in a mean way, in a nice way. “I like to see the human side of the case.” She said (I think) in Spanish.

Annette Funicello! That's it! The judge looked exactly like Annette Funicello!

Gloria checked her watch some more.

A woman with red hair came into the room and was introduced as a law student studying at one of the Medellin universities. We all nodded and said “Hola” and I’m sure I caught a few “Que Bueno’s” in there somewhere.

Finally, the judge took out my sentencia. Gloria took a deep breath and I saw her relax. I sat back and the tension eased from my shoulders. We were going to make it on time. The judge picked up the sentencia….and handed it to the law student to read aloud.

Gloria leaned in to me and whispered something in Spanish. It sounded like “I farted.”

“Que?” I whispered.

“Me enfarta” said Gloria.

Later I would learn that this means “I feel stress” in Spanish.

The law student read the entire 6 page document in Spanish, stopping every paragraph to ask me if I understood. “Tu comprendes. TU COMPRENDES!” Gloria whispered in my ear. “Si, si”, I said…even though much of the eloquently-written, Spanish legal document was way over my head.

Finally, she finished reading and it was time to sign. I signed, the judge signed, and I saw my baby’s official new name written there: Mason Elijah Penner. I was happy to notice that the court had given him only one last name and not two, as is Colombian custom. Josh and I were going to have to change it when we got home, and it was nice to see that I would avoid that hassle. I asked the law student if that was all, she nodded, and I started to cry. I couldn’t believe that this boy was finally, officially and legally mine.

Until my lawyer Alina spoke to me for the very first time. “Hay una problema.”

Apparently, the sentencia also had to be signed by the ICBF or child welfare representative and that representative had left the courthouse at 3:05, deciding that the 3:00 meeting was obviously cancelled.

“Ay, me enfarta.”

After much hand wringing, phone-calling and shoulder-shrugging, Gloria ushered Alina and I out of the courthouse to the photocopy booth on the 2nd floor. There she told us how it would be: Alina would take one copy of the sentencia to the ICBF office to be signed, and then back to the courthouse to be officially stamped. If she succeeded in fighting the traffic and doing all this before the courthouse closed at 5 PM, Alina would bring the officially stamped sentencias to Gloria’s house and we would have them for the passport office tomorrow. If she didn’t succeed, then she would bring them to court for stamping at 8 AM tomorrow and then bring them directly to us at the passport office where we hopefully would not have missed our turn to present documentation.

Meanwhile, Gloria would take the UNstamped copy to her friends at the Notario’s office where they would, as a special favor to her, illegally create Mason’s new birth certificate. Illegally because they are not technically supposed to do it until we have the stamp, but if we were to wait for the stamp we would miss our window to get a passport on Wednesday, thereby missing our flight, thereby missing the doctor appointment, thereby not being prepared to file for Visa on Thursday and having to wait until Monday…..you get the drift.

It all came off according to plan. Enfarta and all. And at the end, I had myself a big ‘ole glass of Mommy juice at the Hotel.

The next morning, Fanny and I were all packed and ready to cruise. We had to wake the baby early and feed him on the go. We got to the passport office as the doors opened and Gloria by some miracle already had the stamped sentencias from Alina….I guess that lawyer was wonderful after all! What she lacked in communication skills she apparently had made up for in driving speed.

We waited about an hour for our paperwork to be processed, and then they called Gloria up to the window, and I hear those magic words: “Hay una Problema.”

Apparently, the Notario had put Mason’s first name in the “Apellido” or “Last name” space, his middle name in the “Secundo Apellido” or “Second Last Name” space, and “Penner” in the “Name” space. In other words, his name was “Penner Mason Elijah” and it did not match the sentencia so we would therefore be denied a passport. Oh, and by the way they were also very offended that we had obviously refused to respect Colombian law by not giving the baby two last names.

We had exactly one hour to fight traffic back to the notario, get the birth certificate re-printed, and return to the passport office. Gloria was in her glory (excuse the pun) and thanks to her connections at the notario office we skipped the line and had our new birth certificates in under 45 minutes. We had left the baby at the passport office with Fanny, knowing he would slow us down, and took cabs back and forth.

Me enfarta. Me enfarta! (I wish I knew how to do that upside-down exclamation point thingy).

We got back to the passport office, got the passport, and piled back into a cab to the hotel where our luggage was waiting. We stacked it all in Gloria’s car and started out over the dirt roads and mountainside construction to the airport….about an hour and a half behind schedule.

Mason was a total champ throughout all of it. I really don’t think all of this craziness would have been possible with any other baby. He had been woken up early, denied a proper breakfast and strapped into a car seat for most of the day and he didn’t complain a wink. As we sped off towards the airport I got a final look at the beauty that is the best of Medellin. While I was not a huge fan of the city, the mountainside towns on the way to the airport….the part of the country where Mason’s birth mother lived….took my breath away.

We made the plane to Bogota just as the doors were closing, and luckily our Bogota guide, Mauricio, was waiting at the airport. Of course, our bags were the last to come out (I thought last to check in was always FIRST to come out!) but we made it to the doctor on time. He spoke English….he had done a year of his residency in Stamford, Connecticut and his pediatric fellowship at St. Jude’s!

Mason peed on him.

But that is how it came to be that Mason and I found ourselves standing in front of window #1 of the U.S. Embassy in Bogota, Colombia, hearing these words spoken through a telephone by a man on the other side of a plane of glass:

“Congratulations, Ms. Peck. The moment your son touches U.S. soil, he will automatically become a U.S. Citizen. Here is an application for his U.S. Passport. I recommend you fill it out upon your arrival home, so that he may travel anywhere in the world. Mason Elijah Penner, welcome to America.”