Here I am, coming down from what has probably been the two most intense days of my life after the two I spent recovering from Mia’s birth. I think we left off with bedtime at the Hotel Intercontinental in Medellin, preparing to meet our little boy. Needless to say, neither Josh nor I slept a wink yet we were strangely energized the next morning as we prepared to go to court and then to meet our son.
At 8:30 AM, we left Mia at the hotel with our Colombian friend and babysitter Fanny and found our driver/guide Gloria in the lobby. Gloria is quite a trip. She knows the adoption system inside and out and can call in many favors due to her insatiable appetite for networking. Thus, she will stop to kibitz with anyone she has met more than once and this adds a good two hours on to your day with Gloria. A simple walk up the courthouse steps becomes a twenty minute long meet and greet, completely in Spanish. Sometimes we would actually have to stop in the middle of a set of steps so that Gloria could schmooze with some locals. Add to that the local tendency to walk VERY, VERY SLOWLY and you have a couple of very impatient New Yorkers on your hands. However, as you will soon read, Gloria’s schmoozing may have chopped a few days and even a week off of our trip if we are lucky. So in the end it was certainly worth it!
We met Gloria in the lobby and were told that we would take a taxi to the court because parking is so difficult there. The courthouse is huge…jammed with people and some impressive statues by Botero (the Colombian artist who did the giant, naked man and woman in the Time Warner Center…you know, the big , fat man with the tiny….). Of course we also noticed the “wanted” posters everywhere, and we followed both Gloria and Fanny’s advice to keep our passports very, very close.
We passed through security and went to the clerk’s office to meet our lawyer, Alina. I think Alina may have said “hello” to me but I’m not sure…she pretty much did not speak to us at all. She was all business and spoke only to Gloria who kept assuring us we had “very good lawyer.”
We were told to give our passports to the clerk and to sign two papers. Then that was it. We followed Gloria out of the courthouse at a snail’s pace (stopping mid-staircase to chat up a few social workers and a man named Pablo), and were offered a ride in Alina’s husband’s car that was buried behind twenty other cars in the courthouse municipal parking garage. About six years later we arrived at our hotel to pick up our big-sister-to-be. We shoved some breakfast down (oy vey that coffee is GOOD!) and we were on our way to La Casa de Maria y los Niño’s, the orphanage where we were to meet our baby boy.
We got into Gloria’s car (No seatbelts! At all! How, um…..care free? Authentic? Oy….) and Gloria told us about herself. She has been guiding/driving adoptive families for La Casa for twenty seven years and she told us that while we are in Colombia, she would be here completely at our disposal. We felt extremely relaxed and taken care of with Gloria. What she lacked in speed walking skills she made up for with race car-like driving, and between her broken English and my even broken-er Spanish we managed to understand each other quite well. Did I mention that her car has no seatbelts? At all?
After a short drive my heart began to pound as we entered the driveway for La Casa de Maria. It is a very clean and spacious facility with bright-colored play ground equipment and a few palm trees. As we walked through the front yard towards the building entrance, we passed about fifteen or twenty kids from three to eight years old. These were truly beautiful children, and many of them ran up to us to ask how old Mia was and if we spoke Spanish. They were all dressed in the same gray, sweat-shirt uniform and I felt terrible to be parading my two-parented child past them with her brand new dress covered in pink and red hearts. I had an urge to grab them all and drive away in Gloria’s car.
We entered La Casa and noticed a “tree of life” on the wall, the leaves being bronze plaques with the names of major donors to La Casa. We were struck by how many Jewish names were on the wall and I remembered that Senora Altman, the orphanage director, is Jewish. It must be strange to be a Jew in a country with a national religion. Back at the courthouse we were surprised to see a giant crucifix on the wall in the clerk’s office.
I excused myself to visit the bathroom, and while I was in there I heard a baby crying through the open window. I peeked out and across the courtyard I saw through a set of windows into a large nursery where two uniformed caregivers were tending to a baby in brown overalls and a blue and white checked shirt. My heart skipped a beat because I knew I was looking at my son.
I returned to the waiting area where Senora Altman was already introducing herself to Josh and Mia. I didn’t mention my “sneak preview” through the window. We signed a few papers and then were taken to a small room covered in pictures of successfully adopted children and their families. Senora Altman took her time to cover every known detail of our son’s life. We learned about his birth mother, her labor, his health, his psychological profile (yes, for a 6 month old), HER psychological profile, the legal process and how he was doing now. We learned about his feeding schedule (basically you feed him all day long and he never stops eating) and his sleeping schedule (he sleeps when he isn’t eating). It was a very long conversation and Mia was extremely patient throughout all of it. Finally, it was time for the big moment. I held Mia tight as Mrs. Altman disappeared into the other room to collect our son.
The door opened and there he was….totally calm, wide-eyed and relaxed. I passed Mia to Josh so I could take Mason in my arms. He gazed up at me and then fixed his focus on the video camera that Gloria was using to capture the moment for us. Josh and I gushed, passed him back and forth, spoke in English and basically did everything we could to completely overwhelm this little guy and he remained completely steady, calm and cool. It was as though he was expecting this whole process and it was completely natural to him. About five minutes into our meeting, I can honestly say that I began to love him.
Things that struck me in that blur of a moment: How Mason, still not completely able to command any kind of core strength, seemed to be devoured by that pair of brown overalls as they crept up his neck and tried to swallow his little head. Mia, how she wanted to cry but felt it was not appropriate and how amazing it is that a five year old might stifle her emotions in order to conform to an adult set of expectations….how I kept returning to her, trying to assure her that here we were on the other side of things and yes, I still love her. But mostly, the moment is marked by Mason’s eyes. He has these incredible, dark eyes. Black eyes that open so wide and completely drink you up. He is a beautiful, beautiful child. I cannot believe he is ours.
The past day with Mason has been like a dream. He is, quite honestly, the absolute easiest and happiest baby I have ever encountered. I am sure I will screw it up by the time we return to New York, but for now, he is consistently happy and calm. He rarely cries and when he does, he is very clear about the reason. We never have that “the baby is crying….what does he want?” moment with Mason. What he lacks in physical development he makes up for in social-emotional progress…his communication skills are incredible. It’s like he is psychic, and can easily convey to anyone what he needs and how he needs it. This makes him so easy to care for….it is the most natural thing in the world.
The greatest surprise is that Mia has turned out to be an incredible big sister. She can make Mason laugh hysterically with one look. He follows her with his eyes wherever she goes. He constantly wants to hold her hand and always seems to be studying her, learning how “big kids” behave. She is clearly falling in love with him, always asking to be near him, to touch him, to help me feed or bathe him. Despite all her fears about a new kid in the house, she has turned into the “mini mama” I always hoped she’d be.
Mason eats like a horse. It is truly remarkable. He devours anything you put in front of him. He is extremely small, having been born with malnutrition and then treated by a nutritionist in the orphanage. He was raised by local foster parents who apparently kept him on a strict schedule of solids and formula. We have been roughly following the schedule that Mrs. Altman gave us, but slowly trying to condense his feedings into a more realistic “American” routine.
The first night, we put him in his crib at 8:30 and he fell right to sleep. We did not hear from him until 9:45 when he woke up disoriented and cried for something familiar. I took him out of his crib and cuddled him for about five minutes (he is so soft and delicious) and he fell right back to sleep until 6 AM. He had a bottle and then back to sleep until I had to wake him up at 8 for a meeting with the government social worker! Tonight he has so far followed the same pattern. I honestly think I have the world’s best baby here. It’s just amazing how calm and secure a kid can be when he has not been exposed to neurotic New York parents.
I’m getting too tired to write all the details of today’s adventures and I doubt anyone is still reading anyway…to put it briefly, there was an issue with Josh’s passport (who spells JOSHUA “JOHSUA”???? And why did the FBI, Homeland Security, the NY Police Department, our lawyer AND Immigration all miss it while this one Colombian Social worker caught the error in five minutes?), it took about three hours and we fixed it. Mia swam the entire length of the Olympic sized swimming pool at the hotel, Mason continued to be the world’s best baby, and I have fallen even deeper in love.
Gloria, for all her schmoozing, managed to get us an appointment with Buenastar, the Colombian governmental social worker’s agency or “defender of minors” today. This appointment was not supposed to take place for four or five days, but because we completed it this morning, our case is now before a judge and we may actually get final court approval for the adoption a full week earlier than planned. This means that Josh and Mia will be able to return to NYC on Tuesday as planned, and Fanny and I will be able to fly Mason to Bogota for his Visa earlier than expected. All in all, I expect to be back home in NYC earlier than planned, and that makes this family very, very happy!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Raw and Uncut
I haven't had much time to write. There is SO much to tell, but I know my parents and friends are dying to see this. Sorry I didn't edit it....it's 8 minutes long and Gloria, our driver and guide, has a bit of a shaky camera hand. But here it is. Soon I'll take a moment to write about our experiences these past two days. There are only two things I must say right now, which are 1. Mason is a ridiculously good baby who is always in a good mood and so far sleeps through the night and 2. Mia has turned out to be an incredible big sister.
Monday, February 9, 2009
The Dog and Pony Show
Wow what a day. I am falling asleep at my keyboard as I type this. And no, it’s not the glass of excellent cabernet that I got from the hotel wine bar. Today we left NYC behind and flew to Medellin. We woke up at 2:45 AM to be ready for a 3:30 AM car service. Mia was a dream child almost all the way through. She was a sweetheart in Newark, a trooper in Miami and a doll in Medellin. We walked out of the airport, a bit disheveled but excited to get back to our hotel and set ourselves up for our new baby, when….there was no driver there to greet us. I had to borrow a cell phone to call the orphanage director. (Strangely, my iphone did not work in Colombia which is so odd because my iphone is so cool and I am so cool for having it so why should there be a problem?) Within minutes our driver, Juan Pablo, arrived with our chariot….um, no wait, it’s a really small car….like REALLY small. Like REALLY, REALLY small. And here we are, Josh, Mia and I along with Fanny, our Colombian friend and babysitter, all our gear for three weeks in Colombia plus the baby’s stroller and car seat and Mia’s booster car seat….and a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY small car.
Let’s just say that the old “clowns in a car” image does not even begin to describe it. We were literally shoved into this car on top of each other like sardines, each of us hosting a suitcase or two on our laps and Mia sprawled across the whole mess fast asleep. We sped up, down and around narrow mountain roads speckled with roadside stands and thick, jungle-like foliage. At times we were literally driving through tunnels of branches and thick, green vines. Our driver kept slipping into the left lane to pass cars, but he seemed to only do it when he was approaching a blind spot or a big curve so that we literally had no idea if we were about to crash head on into oncoming traffic. Despite the fear factor, it had been a very long day, I was exhausted and the motion of the car was knocking me out. I tried my best not to fall asleep (unlike my legs) so that I could get a good look at my son’s homeland. I was most struck by how many dogs I saw. As most people know, Josh and I were avid dog rescuers before having Mia, and the sight of five to ten dogs running down the road every mile was hard to accept.
I had just about had enough of this dog and pony show when finally we saw the city of Medellin through the trees at the base of the mountain we were spiraling. We spun our way down to the bottom and rested at the Hotel Intercontinental. Ah, civilization!
The hotel is beautiful and our rooms are great. The only issue we have had is that there are only showers, no bathtubs. For the baby they gave us a plastic tub but we were left with one fussy and overtired five year old who is deathly afraid of showers. I had to go down to the front desk and beg housekeeping to let us into an empty room to use the tub. Not only were they nice enough to let Mia “bathe for free”, they lined the rim of the tub with rose petals and called her a princess! Mia was barely awake enough to mutter a quiet “Muchas Gracias”.
Tomorrow morning we will go to the court for our first appointment and then the moment of truth….we will finally meet our baby boy and I will get to hold my Mason in my arms. It was so surreal packing up the diaper bag tonight. I haven’t packed a Ziploc full of diapers and wipes for over three years. I wonder if I will do it better this time. I’m certainly less prepared! But maybe that is a good thing.
Let’s just say that the old “clowns in a car” image does not even begin to describe it. We were literally shoved into this car on top of each other like sardines, each of us hosting a suitcase or two on our laps and Mia sprawled across the whole mess fast asleep. We sped up, down and around narrow mountain roads speckled with roadside stands and thick, jungle-like foliage. At times we were literally driving through tunnels of branches and thick, green vines. Our driver kept slipping into the left lane to pass cars, but he seemed to only do it when he was approaching a blind spot or a big curve so that we literally had no idea if we were about to crash head on into oncoming traffic. Despite the fear factor, it had been a very long day, I was exhausted and the motion of the car was knocking me out. I tried my best not to fall asleep (unlike my legs) so that I could get a good look at my son’s homeland. I was most struck by how many dogs I saw. As most people know, Josh and I were avid dog rescuers before having Mia, and the sight of five to ten dogs running down the road every mile was hard to accept.
I had just about had enough of this dog and pony show when finally we saw the city of Medellin through the trees at the base of the mountain we were spiraling. We spun our way down to the bottom and rested at the Hotel Intercontinental. Ah, civilization!
The hotel is beautiful and our rooms are great. The only issue we have had is that there are only showers, no bathtubs. For the baby they gave us a plastic tub but we were left with one fussy and overtired five year old who is deathly afraid of showers. I had to go down to the front desk and beg housekeeping to let us into an empty room to use the tub. Not only were they nice enough to let Mia “bathe for free”, they lined the rim of the tub with rose petals and called her a princess! Mia was barely awake enough to mutter a quiet “Muchas Gracias”.
Tomorrow morning we will go to the court for our first appointment and then the moment of truth….we will finally meet our baby boy and I will get to hold my Mason in my arms. It was so surreal packing up the diaper bag tonight. I haven’t packed a Ziploc full of diapers and wipes for over three years. I wonder if I will do it better this time. I’m certainly less prepared! But maybe that is a good thing.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Mason's Room
Here's a picture of Mason's room. It is all set up and waiting for him. And thanks to three stylish friends with boys, I have a complete wardrobe of incredible, barely used, sparkling clean baby clothes. Mason will certainly grow out of these items before he has a chance to wear them all. Those incredible murals are by friend and artist James Connolly.
A Type A Mother Adopts
This morning when I was dropping Mia off at school, her teacher Lisa informed me that she had been checking the blog for updates. So I realized I better get my blogging on!
This week has been a total whirlwind. I am all at once preparing for a new baby, packing for practically a month abroad, finalizing an adoption and trying to keep Mia's life as calm and normal as possible. One of the mom's from Mia's class put it perfectly: It's like when you are planning a wedding and you are so caught up with the details you don't feel anything. When I do stop the frenzy of tasks, I go back and forth between excitement and anxiety. The excitement is incredible....it feels very similar to when I felt Mia kicking inside me. The anxiety is of course about all the details my type A personality can't control quickly enough...but also this weird feeling that comes from knowing my son is out there and I can't touch him yet. It's as though someone walked in and told me that Mia is wondering around Macy's by herself and she's lost and needs to be found. I get this urge to drop everything and run to the airport right now to get him. I don't think I will be able to completely rest until he is in my arms....or maybe not until he is home and I have both my children where they belong.
On top of that, I have been sick as a dog. The plague has hit the Upper West Side, and all the kids at school (or "the Petri Dish" as I fondly refer to it) have been swapping strep throat, a stomach bug and some horrible cold/fever thing that takes a week to get over. One boy in Mia's class has been out for two weeks! Last week, Mia missed three days of school and then Thursday night when we found out there "might' be a baby for us, she came down with one of her classic, raging ear infections. (I had actually called her doctor that morning to say "Mia is going to have an ear infection tonight so can you just call in the meds now and I'll bring her in tomorrow morning?" Sure enough Mother's instincts prevailed and at 6:30 she spiked a fever and clutched her left ear, screaming in pain.) I was doing a good job of keeping myself healthy but when this news hit, my stress level went up, I stopped sleeping and boom, THE PLAGUE. Today, Friday, I'm finally feeling better.
Everything is pretty much ready and we are about to start packing. The only issue is that we have not been able to contact anyone at the American Embassy in Bogota to confirm that they have our immigration papers. If we show up there and they don't have our form, we won't be able to take Mason out of the country. So today I have only one thing to stress about. Not bad!
Mia is doing remarkably well considering that her whole world is about to change. She is excited but trepidacious about her new adventure into Big Sisterhood. We have long talks about how when the baby comes, my heart will grow and make more love for him....she keeps pointing out that I won't be sharing any of HER love, I will be making MORE love so that I can love both of them. And we talk about how she will help me with Mason. We spend a lot of time discussing how nervous and scared we will both be the day we meet him, and we have a "pinky swear" that we will hold eachother's hands tight to help make the nervous feelings go away.
Josh has been a pretty cool character throughout all of this, taking a few diligent moments several times a day to tell me I am insane. (Thank you dear husband, for keepin' it real). He is spending lots of extra time with Mia, especially in the morning, and they are both gearing up for their two weeks at home without me. Josh even sat down and watched me blow out Mia's hair so he can do it himself while I'm gone. (For those who might not know, my daughter has these glorious curls that she has decided to hate and so after three years of fights and tears, we finally decided to blow her hair out straight and now she is a happy child.)
My parents have already begun to bond with this little guy, and I truly believe that they will love him as fiercely as they love Mia. They are shopping up a storm for him, calling and emailing constantly and today I even received Mason’s first Valentine’s Day card from his Yaya and Pop-Pop.
One last thing I'd like to share: This past week I have been so overwhelmed and touched by the support of my incredible friends. I am so privileged to be close to a handful of truly remarkable women and one remarkable man who make up my treasured collection of "best friends". In these days since Mason was offered to us, my friends have run around town picking things up, brought me truckloads of freshly washed and folded hand-me-downs, pitched in to buy me the stroller I wanted and even offered to pump extra breast milk. And perhaps most touching of all, my best guy friend Jamie ran out to buy me extra underwear and MAC bronzer for my trip. Now THAT's love!
This week has been a total whirlwind. I am all at once preparing for a new baby, packing for practically a month abroad, finalizing an adoption and trying to keep Mia's life as calm and normal as possible. One of the mom's from Mia's class put it perfectly: It's like when you are planning a wedding and you are so caught up with the details you don't feel anything. When I do stop the frenzy of tasks, I go back and forth between excitement and anxiety. The excitement is incredible....it feels very similar to when I felt Mia kicking inside me. The anxiety is of course about all the details my type A personality can't control quickly enough...but also this weird feeling that comes from knowing my son is out there and I can't touch him yet. It's as though someone walked in and told me that Mia is wondering around Macy's by herself and she's lost and needs to be found. I get this urge to drop everything and run to the airport right now to get him. I don't think I will be able to completely rest until he is in my arms....or maybe not until he is home and I have both my children where they belong.
On top of that, I have been sick as a dog. The plague has hit the Upper West Side, and all the kids at school (or "the Petri Dish" as I fondly refer to it) have been swapping strep throat, a stomach bug and some horrible cold/fever thing that takes a week to get over. One boy in Mia's class has been out for two weeks! Last week, Mia missed three days of school and then Thursday night when we found out there "might' be a baby for us, she came down with one of her classic, raging ear infections. (I had actually called her doctor that morning to say "Mia is going to have an ear infection tonight so can you just call in the meds now and I'll bring her in tomorrow morning?" Sure enough Mother's instincts prevailed and at 6:30 she spiked a fever and clutched her left ear, screaming in pain.) I was doing a good job of keeping myself healthy but when this news hit, my stress level went up, I stopped sleeping and boom, THE PLAGUE. Today, Friday, I'm finally feeling better.
Everything is pretty much ready and we are about to start packing. The only issue is that we have not been able to contact anyone at the American Embassy in Bogota to confirm that they have our immigration papers. If we show up there and they don't have our form, we won't be able to take Mason out of the country. So today I have only one thing to stress about. Not bad!
Mia is doing remarkably well considering that her whole world is about to change. She is excited but trepidacious about her new adventure into Big Sisterhood. We have long talks about how when the baby comes, my heart will grow and make more love for him....she keeps pointing out that I won't be sharing any of HER love, I will be making MORE love so that I can love both of them. And we talk about how she will help me with Mason. We spend a lot of time discussing how nervous and scared we will both be the day we meet him, and we have a "pinky swear" that we will hold eachother's hands tight to help make the nervous feelings go away.
Josh has been a pretty cool character throughout all of this, taking a few diligent moments several times a day to tell me I am insane. (Thank you dear husband, for keepin' it real). He is spending lots of extra time with Mia, especially in the morning, and they are both gearing up for their two weeks at home without me. Josh even sat down and watched me blow out Mia's hair so he can do it himself while I'm gone. (For those who might not know, my daughter has these glorious curls that she has decided to hate and so after three years of fights and tears, we finally decided to blow her hair out straight and now she is a happy child.)
My parents have already begun to bond with this little guy, and I truly believe that they will love him as fiercely as they love Mia. They are shopping up a storm for him, calling and emailing constantly and today I even received Mason’s first Valentine’s Day card from his Yaya and Pop-Pop.
One last thing I'd like to share: This past week I have been so overwhelmed and touched by the support of my incredible friends. I am so privileged to be close to a handful of truly remarkable women and one remarkable man who make up my treasured collection of "best friends". In these days since Mason was offered to us, my friends have run around town picking things up, brought me truckloads of freshly washed and folded hand-me-downs, pitched in to buy me the stroller I wanted and even offered to pump extra breast milk. And perhaps most touching of all, my best guy friend Jamie ran out to buy me extra underwear and MAC bronzer for my trip. Now THAT's love!
Monday, February 2, 2009
A Shana Punim!
Here is a picture of our gorgeous boy! The lawyer just sent over the picture and a translated medical report. He's very small but thriving and gaining weight. We are still getting everything in order but it looks like we'll be leaving on Monday (February 9) to pick up our son!
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